Husband Wife Domestic Violence Counseling Services and Advice

So , what to do if my husband is aggressive to me?

This means that in any given marriage , the couple will have their fair share of arguments and may end up having a fight with each other . In case this happens , do not panic or make the issue worse . Here are some simple , practical steps that will enable you to address the problem in a sensitive manner , and why couple counseling can be of benefit when things start to get complicated .

1 . Do Not React and Make the Situation Even More Complicated

It can be quite easy for you to lose control of the argument . It is especially important when your husband is angry that you should not be angry as well . Both of you may end up shouting or getting very emotional , and this will make the situation even more complicated . Take a deep breath and , if necessary , try to regather yourself . Take a short pause with the aim of cooling down before continuing with the discussions . This provide both of you an opportunity to stop and think about it , as well as to stay calm .

2 . Listen to Your Husband’s Side

When arguments occur , it is quite natural to focus only on one’s own emotions . However , it is also important to listen to your husband’s side of the story . Let him speak his mind without any interruptions or defensiveness being displayed . It can often help the situation if you make him feel understood . It is important not only to listen to the words he is saying but also to try to identify the emotions behind them . Repeat back to him what he has communicated , for instance , “I get that you are frustrated because I have not been attending to your needs . ” This will make him feel okay .

3 . Share Your Feelings Calmly

After your husband has made his standpoint , it is your turn . Here are some tips to help you express your feelings at the right time without being violent: Avoid using statements that would make you sound like the victim , such as ‘You always do this ‘ Instead , use “I” statements , for example , “It hurts me when I feel like I am not being heard . ” This assists in putting what you want to communicate in a way that will not sound like accusations , which makes it easier for your husband to listen and answer well .

4 . Understand the Real Cause of the Fight

However , the argument may not be based on the real issue , for example , who left the trash out , or who spends too much time on the phone . It could be a sign of other issues , which could include lack of attention , or lack of emotional connection . Thus , both of you can learn what is exactly going on in each other’s minds , and this knowledge can be used not only to address the given problem but also to prevent and solve any potential conflicts .

5 . Apologize if Needed

If you have offended him or have done something wrong , then a good excuse and apology will be accepted . Saying “Sorry” is not just to cool down the conflict , but to admit that you value your husband’s feelings and that you are sorry for what you did . An apology should not contain conditions and it should not be fake .

6 . Both Find Your Solution Together

After both of you have come up with a solution that both of you are comfortable with . It could therefore involve coming up with changes , or even new ways of communicating . The specific objective should be to find a solution , and not to outwit the partner . Both of you need to work together , and being willing to meet in the middle will ensure that both of you feel validated .

7 . Consider Couples Therapy

If you and your husband continue having arguments with the same issues or if you believe that the problems cannot be solved without the help of a professional , then couples therapy may be useful . A counselor can offer a non-threatening environment for both of you to be able to express yourselves and help you solve the problems that the two of you are having . Couples therapy is useful in enhancing communication , dealing with issues such as trust and intimacy , and it will be mutually beneficial to both of you in learning how to handle arguments in the future . It does not mean that your marriage has problems – it means that you are willing to make it even better . A therapist can help you understand each other better and help you change for the better .

8 . Reconnect After the Fight

After an argument has been solved , it is crucial to go back to the previous stage and make both partners feel that they are still a couple . Have some fun or relax and spend some quality time doing something that you both would enjoy . This assists in the creation of a bond between the two of you , as well as bringing back to your memory that no matter what went down , you are still allies .